So.. My partner HoH & I are very new at this, which I am sure you read all the time.  I had been single for 10 years & have always had an interest in a DD relationship. I found exactly the Man I was looking for around 6 months ago thru an add I placed online, we have been working on LDD for the last 4 months. I am struggling so very bad, when I say something about how he handled me he tells me he is not Dominant enough (almost sarcastic)  & that I will not Submit.  I have many issues I need dealt with & all I seem to be accomplishing is making him feel like he can not do anything right & I feel even worse for making him feel this way.  Drinking is an issue I battled several years ago but for some reason (new relationship & nerves from being in it) I believe caused me to drink a few times.. we discussed that I was NOT to drink by myself AT ALL but I could drink with him (that I did & didn't want but didn't say) so last Thurs. I drank before he got home from work, fessed up cause that's what I do & he did punish me but thru the whole spanking all he kept asking me was... "did you say the safe word?  Is that enough?" until I just said yes & the safe word because I felt he felt I was just some freak with no pain receptors.  Then when it was over I asked for more alcohol & he got it & then I went complete black out drunk,  Now I have so much guilt & anger toward myself & I have the biggest wall & attitude put up that I think he is just gonna give up on me.  I tell him that if this is not what he wants I am fine, I love him & just want what makes him happy.  HELP US PLEASE!!   I want to have him as my HoH & I as his tih but I am lost & confused & really feel So Stupid.  He has punished me but not to the point were I feel submitted & I have not even shed one tear yet.  What do we do... ???